Every once in a while I’m installing a bidet at a friend’s apartment when suddenly it’s getting late and I need to start thinking about getting to wherever I must for my evening plans. But what am I going to do about my backpack? “Oh why don’
With my left hand, I use the plastic tongs to grab a cookie and put it on my little plate. “Are you right-handed?” says a woman from just out of view. I turn to look. I’ve never seen her before. “I’m sorry, what?” “Well I thought maybe you
I answer the phone– not daring to break eye contact with my opponent. “Can’t talk, I’m fourteen moves deep in a game of 200 IQ psychic chess with the checkout guy at Morton Williams. Whoever loses has to bag my groceries.” The cashier blinks. “I’ll just bag
It was four in the morning and I was seated in the back of a cab, ankle-deep in my doldrums, when I remembered that the music of Elvis Presley existed, and suddenly everything was fine—for at least a little while. There’s a guy named Anthony Caleca who in
Although my mother insists this can’t possibly be true, when I was a kid, whenever I got home from school, I would have a Coca Cola. In my house the soda was always stored in the garage and came out of those big cardboard 24 packs. Garage soda is
A long time ago I became friendly with the lizard man. He was this guy who would walk around the city with a big iguana and hassle folks for a few bucks to take a picture with it. He never had a plan– he would just show up wherever he
Fruit guy clocks me right as I step out of the station. "Amazing grapes today," he says. "Very special." I reach for the bag and with a practiced hand commence my inspection. These grapes are fine— maybe better than fine. But that's my business.
Despite being a smartphone hater who hates having a smartphone and hates everything that the advent of the smartphone has done to society– or more specifically, to me– I do in fact own, use, and occasionally even enjoy a smartphone. More specifically, I use and have used an Android phone
There’s no good reason why an Upper East Side storefront that sells coffee grounds should have someone working the door. But in the event that there were to be a guy with an iPad standing at the threshold of the Madison Avenue Nespresso outpost, the last thing I would