Gimme a Large Cheese with Everything

Slices abound at the pizza shop. There's pepperoni, chicken and broccoli, meatball and even anchovy. What there is not is mushroom. A mushroom slice— the very reason you came to Italian Village in the first place. 

Nobody ever had to tell you that the guy behind the counter will happily toss some on a cheese slice and throw it in the oven, but consider resisting the temptation to explore the outer limits of this privilege. Adding mushrooms is perfectly reasonable, but designing a bespoke slice with four custom toppings might be a step too far.

There's a certain kind of person who seems to be able to imagine anything but what’s directly in front of them. To them, whatever’s in the case isn’t even an option. Years ago I was making hotdogs and asked a would-be dog recipient what they wanted on theirs. 

“I want a Beyond sausage on a pretzel bun with caramelized onions and fig jam.” 

Notwithstanding whether that sounds good to you, what it clearly is not is an appropriate response to the question. Now it goes without saying that I went to the store right then and there and spent the requisite $50 to make it happen, and I tell myself it was not because I was in love with her and couldn’t fathom saying no, but rather because I’m the kind of guy who makes the impossible possible. 

Then there’s this other type who seem only able to see what’s directly in front of them. They wouldn’t get their mushroom slice, but they’d probably get something. They have sort of the opposite issue as Beyond Fig Girl. Whereas she might risk appearing disagreeable and difficult to please, Whatever’s Good Dude’s apparent easygoing nature gives the impression he doesn’t have a particularly discerning palate. 

There’s an impulse to place myself neatly between the two, but it’d be a step too far in the wrong direction if I ascribed to myself perfect discretion. Even if I know I can get mushrooms but to take it no further than that, that’s really only half of the equation. If you want to operate in a civilized society, what’s got to matter at least as much is how you react to other people’s expressions of their own taste. 

Because who cares if I’m excellent at ordering at restaurants if I can’t help but freak out when the person in front of me at Dunkin' Donuts cannot get it together and just order something. And yeah, I made her that ridiculous Beyond Homunculus like I was happy to– but what does that say about me? 

Find out next week on an all new episode of Dragon Ball Z.